Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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