I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
