Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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