idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
