i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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