and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
