Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
