And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
