I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
