It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
