taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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