I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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