my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize