Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
