I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
vagina is talking i cant
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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