Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
