he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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