glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
