I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
