Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize