forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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