the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
