i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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