She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
