Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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