pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
How's work?
Spinning.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
