i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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