you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
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