I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
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That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
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Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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