My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
