I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
