fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
