addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Randomize
