Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
