She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
