That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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