Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
