shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i think i have two assholes
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
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