Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
