i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
