your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
