At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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