I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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