just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
