We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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