dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
