You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
