Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
