I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
