I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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