Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.