My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
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note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
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He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger