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dude i'm inner monologue high
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There r osticjed everywhere
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
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