I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
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Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
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You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.