dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
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...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
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It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.