hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
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Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
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Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.