Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.