I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
