If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize