He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
