He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
