so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
