I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
