i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
