Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
