I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
