they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
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